The 10 Different Wrong Men You've Probably Dated And Never Should Have Made It Past Hello (Part 2)

Welcome back! Catch the first 5 different wrong men you’ve probably dated here

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Let’s Continue:

Booty call: This one is obvious but let me break it down for you. He just wants to sleep with you. Period. That’s all he wants. Again: you cannot change him. You find this kind of guy attractive, easy on the eye and yes you do want to sleep with him-but you also want more. He’s just not ready for more and doesn’t desire more with you. He calls late at night, likes to talk about sex, ask for nudes, the usual spin on how you’re so hot and you’re the sexiest woman he’s ever seen…-you get my drift-all to get in bed with you by the way.

Verdict: Time Waster

Goal: Sleep with you as much as he can until he gets bored 

Financially dependent: I like to call this one: “I’ll pay you back”. Although he never does. You lend him money today-he says he will pay you back tomorrow. He does not. You ask for it and then he plays the whole guilt trip card saying: don’t you trust me? You don’t at this stage-I know but you can’t say that so you say: yes I do. And then you wallow in confusion as he never returns the money or doesn’t return it in full. And then he asks you for money again: usually its for an emergency, a loan, a little extra something to keep him going for “just a few days” etc. Basically you’re his bank account. Yes sis I’m very honest and this is the truth. 

Verdict: Time Waster

Goal: He’s using your money to sustain himself and possibly other women

Smooth talker: This is the narcissistic and manipulative man. Classic alpha male/macho man. He’s your typical guy in a nutshell. Big, strong and also a huge, HUGE ego. HUGE. He takes advantage of your desire for him to manipulate and use you. He likes to take advantage of your desire for him and use it against you. He’s disrespectful, emotionally abusive, sometimes even physically abusive, proud, arrogant. And he doesn’t apologize for it: he expects you to conform to his idea of what he wants. He’s very selfish: he only cares about himself. He’s a classic gentleman in public and a monster in private. Sound familiar? Then join my waiting list here for my course

Verdict: Time Waster

Goal: Use you to boost his ego and make him feel more like a man

Mama’s boy: This guy is soft but don’t be deceived-he’s very smart. He looks like your ideal family man. He looks like someone you can settle down with but he’s not. He’s not quite there yet but he may get there soon: not soon enough though. And he still won’t choose you even if you do wait for him to get there. So what does he want? A companion: someone to be there for him now until he’s ready-and then he’ll choose another. He cares about his family: talks about them-has a good relationship with his parents, siblings and friends. The typical kind of guy you can introduce to your parents and they’ll probably love him-but mind you: he doesn’t want to settle down yet. And he doesn’t want to settle down with you. And he knows it. But he won’t tell you. What he will tell you is he’s ready to settle down-which is a lie-but he’s smart so he wants you to stick around. He’ll tell you half-truths. Never the full truth. There’s always a lie wriggling inside his truth and you can sense it and even smell it but you find it hard to catch it. He’s smart, sleek, sly.

Verdict: Time Waster

Goal: Use you for emotional support until he’s ready to stand on his own

Husband Material: This one is close to your husband in looks, height, emotional support, spiritual maturity and everything else in between-but… he’s not the one. (Have you joined the course waiting list yet? I share all about recognizing the right man quickly join here) 

He knows this-but you don’t. He knows you desire to be with him too. Yes and he uses it to his advantage. He has elements from all the 9 other men combined and so he’s the most dangerous. He promises you marriage-you may even get engaged-but he doesn’t lead you to the alter he just leads you to confusion. You may have even been married to him before. He’s very good at masking his truest self-you have to be discerning with this one. Your spirit may not even pick on him fast enough if you’re not sensitive enough-which is why you have to learn the difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now like i teach in my course-sign up here to join the waiting list. He’s the kind of man you thought you wanted to marry-until you married him. Or until he changes. Or until he dumps you and marries another woman after you-within months.

Verdict: Time Waster

Goal: Use you to test drive what he actually wants in a marriage and from a woman-without the intention of actually settling down with you. He leaves you feeling useless.

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Which man from the list have you dated before? Share with me below!

To learn more and gain some more insights on the wrong kinds of men join the wait list for my signature course here. I share some more inside the wait list and don’t even get me started on what’s in store for ladies that join our course here. 

In my signature course I show you how to recognize the right man quickly and lose the wrong man in 30 days or less! (PSST: I’ve done this with clients in as little as 14 days!)

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The 10 Different Wrong Men You've Probably Dated And Never Should Have Made It Past Hello

The Church Goer/Recovering Atheist: Is he really a church goer? Or is he just there to pick up women? Yes sis some men just attend church because they know its the best place to find a woman that is seeking to be found. They feed you the regular lines of “I attend service”, “I’m a Christian”, “I’m struggling with my walk with God” etc just to get close and take advantage-am I hearing an “Amen?”. Or maybe they try to convince you they struggle with “sexual sin” and “need your help.” Next thing you know you’re struggling with it too-mistake? I don’t think so.

Verdict: Time Waster

Goal: Take advantage of your relationship with God and use it against you for sex, companionship and then leave when he’s tired 

The Forever Available: This kind of man may not have been attractive to you at first. In fact he’s not your type (Curious to learn more about how your type can help or hinder you in choosing the right man? Then sign up here). He’s not even the kind of man you want to marry. But guess what? You’re starting to fall for him because “he’s nice”. Yes I said it with air quotes because usually that won’t be enough but you’re starting to like his character. And he’s starting to notice too.  So this means he starts to do what? You guessed it: take advantage. He wants to be there for you but not there for you as in he doesn’t want to date you but wants to act like you’re dating. For this one its enough that you’re around-he doesn’t want more and he doesn’t want less. Confusing right? I know! Yes you know this man-the one that came to your mind right now? That’s him!

Verdict: Time Waster

Goal: Use you for the illusion of a relationship but its actually a situationship

The Friend With Benefits: This one is sleek. He’s a friend but he’s not just a friend: he’s a friend with benefits. He doesn’t want the title. He likes to go under the guise of “let’s be friends first” and then “see how it goes”. Does that sound familiar? I’m sure it does. He likes to make you believe that at some point he will be ready to commit. But right now he just wants to be friends to “get to know you better”. Sis he doesn’t want to get to know you better-he wants to get to know your body better that’s true-but not you. And what happens here is you catch feelings-you start to believe its okay to be “just friends” for now until he introduces you to his girlfriend/his wife *shocker* you didn’t know he was married-but he is-or even engaged.

Verdict: Time Waster

Goal: Use you for his own amusement until he gets bored 

The Touch And Go: I’ll be talking to the ladies in my course about this some more. You can join the wait list for my course here. This one is interesting because he likes to come in and out of your life at will. The Professional Ghoster is another way I describe him-in fact we talk all about ghosting in my signature course on losing the wrong man in 30 days-sign up here. The touch and go comes and goes lol yes I know I just couldn’t help myself. This man likes to drop a “hello” or the occasional “hi” and then wait to see if you will respond and then what does he do? Drops off the face of the Earth for another 2-3 days slowly becoming 2-3 months, doesn’t return your messages/calls and may be gone longer if you allow him stick around hoping he would change-he won’t by the way. But that’s how he likes to use you.

Verdict: Time Waster

Goal: Likes to know you’re still available to him when he wants to talk to you

Always Here-Never Clear: That’s what I call this one. You’ll learn more of my slangs in my course where I show you my secrets to recognize these men quickly-you haven’t signed up yet? Click here. Always here- never clear is the guy that comes with the intention of wanting to date you-or so he claims-but never really does date you. He claims he’s ready for marriage but doesn’t even want to discuss being in a relationship. He claims he likes you and cares about you but doesn’t want to spend time with you or define the relationship. He wants to discuss settling down, having kids, a wedding date-but he “needs more time” to get ready to date you-sometimes he needs to “fast and pray” for as long as possible.

Verdict: Time Waster

Goal: Likes the idea of settling down but isn’t actually ready to -so he uses you for the illusion of being settled when in fact he’s actually really confused

PSSST: Here’s the other 5 wrong men you’ve probably dated here

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If you just can’t wait and want more guidance-SIGN UP FOR MY COURSE!

You can join the wait list here!

Which man from the list have you dated before? Share with me below!

In my signature course I show you how to recognize the right man quickly and lose the wrong one in 30 days or less! Click here to also get a free e-book as well as other goodies!

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JUST A FEW LESSONS FROM 2017....

1. I learned to look more with my faith instead of my fears: In 2016 I spent a lot of time trying to get past my fears in an attempt to see with faith. God spent time teaching me this by making sure I had to learn to look at Him because there was nowhere else to look for opportunities, there was no one to depend on for direction on the next step, and there was nowhere I could face to understand what was waiting for me ahead. And I remember that was hard for me because I’m a planner by nature. I want to know what I’ll be doing in the next few months, tomorrow, in the next year and so on but God taught me last year that was all going to have to change because that’s not how my Father works lol. This year I started to put that into practice. I moved back home after studying and working in the States because I knew that was where God was telling me to face at this time. I started another journey here in Lagos in my studies because I knew that was what God was telling me to do this season. And all of this was in spite of my fears. Through my experiences last year I was able to flow much quicker in my faith this year. I was able to respond much faster and see much clearer because I have learned not to focus on where I want to be but on where God has called me to be in this moment, in this season and its brought me closer to Him. 

2. God doesn’t lie whatever He says He does: This year my trust in the LORD grew deeper. I’ve discovered whatever He says He will do-He has done. He doesn’t necessarily tell you how He’s going to do it or what will bring it about-whatever that it is-be it relationships, business, academics and so on-but He comes through each and every single time. This has increased my love for Him and has made my dependency on Him grow stronger. Its also put me in a position where I do not care what others say or what they think my concern is-what is my Father saying to me?- because He is the only one that I listen to and this year I learned through the fact that He always comes through that He truly doesn’t lie and He never goes back on His Word if you come through on your end. (Numbers 23:19)

3. Forgiveness is a choice: Yes its truly a choice. I may not want to forgive you but I choose to forgive you so I can release myself. I’ve learned this year there’s no point holding a grudge against any one for anything. You may very well remember but it doesn’t have to become a dagger that is constantly twisting at your side whenever you think about that person or run into them. I’ve chosen this year to forgive people I didn’t feel like forgiving because I decided I have no time to waste thinking on someone else’s mistakes or actions when there are things I myself need to be doing right now. I have learned to learn my lesson and move on. 

4. You don’t have to like me-not everyone will: And this is another lesson I learned this year lol. Its okay if not everyone likes you in fact if everyone does like you there’s probably a problem in there somewhere. You have to understand no matter what you stand for even if its right and you’re doing it right it’ll still rob some people the wrong way and it has nothing to do with you, your personality or your principles-they just don’t like you. And that’s just fine. There’s a certain confidence hidden in not caring what others think about you. There’s freedom in that and I started to unearth that freedom this year. I learned that even if I’m doing my best, I’m acting my best, I’m sticking with what is right-some people just won’t appreciate it and guess what? That’s just fine. And I found freedom in allowing myself to accept that. 

5. If you do the right thing long enough you’ll inspire others to do the same: This kind of flows from my last point but I thought I should mention it anyway. You may be doing the right thing and thinking no one is being inspired, no one is looking, no one is watching but I’ve learned a lot of the time, its not about who is watching you or what you’re doing its more about why you’re doing it. I do what I do every day because I feel that is what God has led me to do-not my friends or my family or even myself cause to be honest on some days I’d rather just not do anything at all and just be. But I’ve learned that when I do these things and even when I do them long enough others slowly and then surely start to join in because I chose to go against the grain, I chose not to conform, I chose to stand by what was right even when I was told it was wrong-it inspired others to also move. And I realized if I hadn’t done so, I would have lost an opportunity to learn what it means to stand by your values when others quickly give up their own. 

6. My beauty shouldn’t be compared to any other person’s beauty: As a woman I’m sure you will agree ladies-you are judged based on your outer beauty as opposed to your inner beauty. I’ve known this since I was a child because I like to think I’m very perceptive of what goes on around me. I remember even until now when its a girl the compliments are more based on how she’s pretty or she’s beautiful but when its a boy its not the same line of comparison. Its more to do with his character than his facial features like he’s strong, he’s confident, he’s assertive but when its a woman none of those qualities are examined-its more to do with how she looks, how she walks, and sometimes even if she’s confident its seen as unattractive. Well this year I just decided I’ve had enough lol. I’ve had my fair share of being compared based on my beauty instead of my brains or my brawn and this year I just decided I am not going to stand for it anymore. I’m tired of being qualified by men especially based on my appearance or how I look when that has absolutely nothing to do with who I am. And women do this to themselves as well. Towards the end of this year I just decided instead of smiling-I’m going to start calling people out on this. I’ve had enough of it. I’m not going to be compared to another woman based on who is more beautiful or who is better looking. I realized it was happening because I accepted it and I laughed it off or I smiled. But now I’ve decided its not a compliment if you tell me I’m prettier or she’s prettier its really just an insult. to both of us. And I won’t tolerate it anymore from anyone. And yes ladies there’s freedom in that too. 

7. You say you can’t-God says you will: A lot of you know this year I qualified as an attorney in the State of New York. The journey to being qualified was one of extreme faith. I mean my faith was PUSHED. I remember so clearly I did NOT want to take that exam but Daddy-thats who God is to me-was literally pulling AND pushing me towards it. And I say He was pulling me because I’ve learned to listen to Him even when I don’t want to-and thats the definition of obedience-doing it even though you don’t feel like it. Well He kept saying it through my spirit, my mother, my family members that I should take it and thank God for my mum because I did end up taking it. I remember I was so afraid. I was terrified to be quite honest. And then it happened-I passed. I literally broke down when I found out because I knew it wasn’t me-it was God. The Tolu I know wouldn’t have the courage to even consider taking that exam not to talk of actually sitting and then passing it. It was notorious for failure. Its notorious for its difficulty and yet God enabled me to pass it after just one sitting. I learned A LOT through that experience. I learned where I say I cannot-God says YOU WILL. I learned who God has called me to be does not resemble who I think I am. The Tolu I knew never aspired to be an attorney in New York because it seemed to lofty an achievement and quite frankly it never crossed my mind but the Tolu God knows is an attorney in New York and He introduced me to her-and through this experience I’ve learned if Daddy says I can do it-I’m going to do it because I’d rather be the Tolu He has called me to be than the Tolu I think I am. I also learned I really don’t know who I am but God knows me very well. 

These are just a couple of lessons I learned this year! I shared a whole lot more with my mailing list! You can join by entering your details and you’ll be added to our little family to receive more insights into what this year has taught me. 

What has this year taught you?

Leave your thoughts below!

5 POWERFUL SECRETS EVERY SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMAN SHOULD KNOW

Ladies! This week I wanted to discuss these 5 Secrets to your Singlehood with you!

Waiting Is A Gift Not A Curse: Waiting has so many gifts that could be unwrapped if single godly women learned to treat it like a season and not a sentence. During this period you learn to draw closer to God, you learn to be single, happy and God-fident, you learn what it means to be a godly woman in faith and in deeds, you learn how to wait the right way, you learn when a man’s intentions are true or not, you learn to listen to the Spirit of God and so much more! But this is only when you start to see this season as a gift and not a curse.

I discuss a lot more about WAITING in our first Episode of the on going series IN THE WAIT right here

Surrender Is Part Of Being Single: While you’re single you learn to surrender your timing to God. You learn what it means to let God have His will and His way. And this means you do not get married when you think you’re ready but when God says you’re ready, you do not get that promotion when you want it but when God says you need it. You learn the beauty in surrender is to trust God’s timing in al things and not your own understanding (Prov 3:5)

Submission Is Key: You start to understand what it means to be a woman of faith who also practices submission. This is learned through your relationship with the Holy Spirit. He teaches you this as you submit more and more to His leadership because the children of God are led by His Spirit (Romans 8:14) which means you don’t give that guy a call back because you learn to submit to the leadership of the Spirit of God telling you he just wants to be sexual with you, you learn to walk away from men and opportunities God has shown you are not good for you even though you’re lonely and would like to settle for whats available right now. You learn to not go back to your ex because you submit the decision that he is not the right one for you to God, you learn to be content in your waiting because you have submitted the process to the Holy Spirit.  

There Is Power In Prayer and Fasting: You begin to learn in your season of singleness the power of prayer. You start to develop the gift of prayer God has given you and exercise it to help you stay motivated, focused and fighting in your faith and in His will for you. You begin to operate on a much higher frequency of who God has called you to be when you start to understand the power in prayer and this is unearthed during your season of singleness. You begin to feed your spirit and starve your flesh. This can be taken literally in terms of fasting but it also enables you to grow spiritually. You learn the power in fasting and how to fast and fight in faith. You learn what it means to be a woman of God, called of God and the authority that has been released in your life through this process of surrender, submission and sacrifice that comes with following God and not man and channeling your growth in learning to fast through the leadership of His Spirit. Fasting will teach you to deny your body of its wants for what your spirit needs, fasting will teach you to be more spiritually alert, fasting will feed your faith, prayer will be the fuel to your faith. You can learn all this and use it as a weapon during your single season.

Sacrifice: You learn the power of sacrifice-the power of saying No when God says NO and learning to be deaf to the desires of your flesh because you are feeding your spirit. You learn what it means to become a living sacrifice to the King of Kings and how this means you can no longer determine when and what and how your desires should be met but you have to come to the place of choosing to lay all these thoughts and wants at the feet of Christ and sacrificing it all for what and where He has placed you in this season to be used. You learn through sacrifice to mature in your faith and mature into the woman God has called you to be. 

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These are some powerful secrets that are operative in your season of singleness.

You will be tested and the more you learn to activate these steps the more you will be ready to fight with your faith when the tests come. 

My series of teachings are available to help you delve deeper into this process. To learn more about waiting the right way, you can check out our series In The Wait Episode 1 right here

Visit our store for additional resources here

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