1.
Emotions:
How do they make you feel? This is an important
question because we sometimes confuse feelings of longing with feelings of
love. You may long for companionship but you may have settled for frustration.
And this may place you in a position where you confuse temporary satisfaction as
a benefit of a genuine connection. This is truly not the case. You need to
learn to read your emotions. Do they make you feel happy or sad, frustrated or
fulfilled? Because these emotions are closely connected, we sometimes confuse
frustration with fulfillment. You may think it is a requirement of fulfillment
to bear with the emotional/psychological/manipulative nature of your partner
but it is not-so evaluate your emotions according to your interactions and not
your frustrated delusions.
2.
Connection,
communication, consistency:
These are some of my favorite C’s in the
vocabulary of intimacy. You need to understand that if you both are not
communicating consistently, you will lose your connection permanently. The
result of this combined effort is commitment. So ask yourself do you feel like
your happiness or even your peace has been added to or subtracted from by your
interactions with this person-this is how you can determine if you are truly
connecting. And I guarantee if there is a subtraction, at least one of these
key elements is missing.
3.
Development-are you
growing?:
This adds to my last point. Notice my pun lol. But seriously are your growing or are you
stagnant? Whoever is in your life should increase and not diminish your
abilities. This is a clear sign that you are not with the right person. If you
feel frustrated or if you are dealing with friction constantly in your
emotional, psychological and even physical well being-then truly and honestly
that person is not helping you.
4.
Partnership:
Do you encourage and help each other in your
endeavours? Are you partners or opponents? These questions are to help you identify
if you have reached the end of that particular relationship. Sometimes we have
to part ways with others to be able to discover more of ourselves. You have
to understand if you are not ready to discover more of yourself then you will
lose yourself in holding on to someone else. It is time to either let
go or stay put. The choice is up to you.
5.
Family and friends:
Lust is a blanket that covers the truth so
easily. But listen-how do your family and friends feel about this person? Sometimes
we cannot see the obvious things that those closest to us can readily see
because we are blinded by our desires and this blocks the truth.
And this does not always have to do with the
other person-it sometimes is you. Sometimes you have to recognize that some
people are not suitable or suited to your personality or your particular
position. But at other times because we are so blinded by our emotions we
cannot see this-which is why we have to trust those closest to us to be able to
explain to us the importance of accepting or rejecting this person. The closest
people to you can see the clearest when it comes to those around you.
6.
Unified foundations:
Foundations are important. You cannot make a
strong building on a weak foundation. You need to evaluate the foundations of
your relationship. Are you standing on the same beliefs? Do you have similar
aspirations? What are your ambitions? Do they connect or are they colliding?
These are questions that will help you identify if this person is someone you
can build a strong relationship with because over time if you have a
relationship on weak foundations, it will eventually crumble when confronted
with daily attacks from the world and its frustrations.
Q: What do you love most about your partner?
A: Is that trait based on your emotions or your
connection? If it is based on your connection and your connection is purely
physical for instance, then it will be a relationship based on temperament ie
it will be temporary; if it is based on your emotions that is your connection
is an emotional foundation of similar beliefs, ambitions-it has the potential
to be built on a solid and permanent foundation.
Check out: