TO MY UNCLE, MY GUARDIAN, MY FRIEND

I hardly talk about Brother Shuaib. We always called him brother although he was more of a father. He was my uncle-he was family.

 He was my first instinct for the law-the first voice that built my temperament into the woman I have become.

He was the silence behind each storm-the hand that led me quietly through my childhood dreams-he was the voice that whispered courage when faced with fear, the arm that held me steady when I shook with uncertainty. That was Brother Shuaib.

He was more than my uncle, he was a friend, he was a father that watched my brother and I closely till the very end.

He taught me the art of reading in silence, he taught me how to speak when I felt I had no voice-how to face a crowd when I was unsure-he was always there. Brother Shuaib would whisper confidence silently into my ears-and remind me who I was when I could not even grasp the concept of success. He explained each syllable surrounding the word carefully so I could understand what I did not know yet.

I miss him. It has been over ten years since he passed but Toba and I loved him very much-incredibly so-his death changed our lives. Toba grasped unto the music he loved-a talent he shared with our uncle who is now no more-I held unto the law-letters that left a footprint trailed with his words in the dust.

The law reminds me of Brother Shuaib-through the letters I see aspects of life he had not had a chance to discuss with me yet. Brother Shuaib was a determined, young soulful man-always blaring music within the ears of those who could hear.

A form filled with laughter and never much tears. He was kind-always helping when others struggled to care. He was protective of those he loved-always worried about their thoughts and helped them to confront the words before they formed a storm.

Brother Shuaib and I had a very complicated relationship-I looked for him to give me reassurance whenever I faced people’s stares-people’s judgments that tried to intimidate me in my youngest years-he was always there-like a fierce lion he would come forth and speak when others tried to bring out my fears. He would defend me when I was not sure how to defend myself yet. He taught me the art of self-confidence by confronting my fears. I remember now smiling back on those years-those years where he held the lamp in the darkness so I could read for the next test. He pushed me and challenged me to be my best. He never encouraged doubt within his ears-he would always remind me I could do better than the last time I had confronted my fears. He was there to praise me when I had reached a milestone aided by his strength. He never encouraged me to fear-he taught me to always believe in what I could only see. He showed me how to treasure my dreams.

He would lead me into the depths of my heart to help me find my own source of strength. A lot of the confidence I now share-came from those years. A lot of the depth I now know came from his wisdom whispered and planted like a seed in those moments.

Brother Shuaib impacted my life-he touched Toba’s as well. His death left a permanent mark that mapped out each of the proceeding years. It led Toba into music-a talent he shared. He led me into law-through his studies to become a man that fought for what was right-a man that proved he cared. And now looking back on all those years, young and angry as he forced me once more to read for another test-that broad smile that broke into pride when he heard me reciting on the stage as I struggled to remember my lines, his ready laughter that guided my fears-I am grateful he was a father and a friend.

 I am grateful he cared. I decided to talk about Brother Shuaib because he is a key part of how my pain has been translated into purpose. He taught me the importance of life through his death-he taught me how to remain always and forever prepared. He showed me how to cherish moments I now hold more closely since my brother’s death.  

Brother Shuaib was a guardian angel sent to teach me to fight my fears in my earliest years. He was a force that pushed away my fears and in the process led me into the initial stages of purpose birthed through the pain of facing death. He taught me how to face my tears-the first bruise to my heart came from his death.

 It scarred Toba and I deeply but we gave each other strength-and now looking back I am grateful for those years-where Toba and I would sing with Brother Shuaib in the car as we prepared for another school year. His voice thundering towards us from down the stairs-his grunt of approval or disapproval whichever appeared first because we were very mischievous in those years. I look back and I am grateful for each moment we shared.

He was my guardian angel in the initial stages of my years-and it makes me smile knowing Toba and he have many more moments they can now share. It gives me comfort to know that Toba has family there.

Brother Shuaib always protected us both when we barely understood a lot in life-he even protected us through his death. And today, I want to acknowledge the role this man played in my life on the anniversary of his death-I love you Brother Shuaib-I will never forget-I am grateful for the moments we shared, I remain fully aware of all you taught me in those years-I will always remember…you were the first person that taught me how to believe in my dreams and chase down my fears.