Happy Birthday Toba; Happy Birthday. It’s
been so long since we last spoke I barely know what to say. You are present
everyday. You affect our conversations in so many little ways-your laughter is
a soft wind that blows soothing sounds into the love and light I share with our
mummy. Your stoic silence reminds us to remain strong as we face the path ahead
knowing you are not there-but you are at the same time-in our thoughts, our
words, our decisions to move forward-you urge us along.
Happy Birthday. This time last year was
a mixture of poison and pain but purpose spoke the loudest when your gift
remained through the words you have enabled me to speak, through your ability
to still reach beyond the divide and provide laughter in our beings.
Happy Birthday. I hope you are enjoying
yourself up there-I know your love for music was always the strongest-it would
pound through your ears, through those earphones that were your permanent
fixtures as you stared-into the distance-dreaming, thinking, planning, believing
and walking confidently ahead.
Happy Birthday. I remember your smile
the brightest-it was a signal for mischief we shared-whenever your serious but
steady demeanor broke into a reverie of anticipation-your smile was the
blare-it would shine through the darkness and melt my fears. You always had the
ability to do that-to remind me who I was when I would forget, to whisper
wisdom when I was unsure of who I was-you gently focused my stare.
Happy Birthday. This would have been
your 22nd year-what a joy it would have been to see you grow even
more sure in your determination to bring dreams forth. Your broad shoulders
that remained steady through the storm. That confident clean walk you had that
could stop any daunting fears from coming forth.
Happy Birthday. As I write these words,
I remember our conversations back home in the comfort of the couch we spoke-you
showed me so much hope-such fire lit your steps it made me afraid for your
safety as you ventured ahead. And you had such an aura it could tense the air-it
was a palpable presence that seemed to draw people near. I remember its share
force-it came before you walked into the room-it announced your presence so
clearly all eyes focused on your steps.
Happy Birthday. I remember now, yes I
can see, through the misty film of the past, your colours blare clearly. I
remember how you would speak-quiet, confident and sure-certainty wrapped itself
around every word. I was terrible at defending myself when we fought with
words-your edge was sharper than mine and had an instinct about it that blocked
each clever clap back.
Happy Birthday. I miss you. Mummy does
too. Two years since you left-a lot has changed in your absence. I mean, I know
you are here-I feel you everyday when I speak and share-I feel you in my
actions, my words and movements. But when I lost the ability to reach you-and
for you to reach me-when we lost the ability to hold each other tightly as
family-is when reality shifted.
Your presence that spoke so powerfully
into the environment had lost its essence. The hopes of the future you so
colourfully painted and shared with my eyes and eager ears broke into darkness
and even then, I could feel your concern-you were afraid of the cost of your
departure-you were right; it was very dear-a heavy weight that nearly crushed us
with its full force-we broke down in a state that is deeper than tears. And
mummy, well she survived that storm-you will be proud-she remained so strong
even though the death blow hit her squarely in her heart where you belonged.
But Toba, I want you to
understand-today is your birthday-and we are grateful you were born. We are
grateful your light shone brightly through each and every storm. We are
grateful for that beautiful laughter that decorated our lives. We are grateful
you lived your life. We are grateful for each shard of the past that represents
the memories we have.
Happy Birthday. I am honored to be your
sister-I am honored to call you friend until the very end-I am proud of the man
you were-your heart was always laid bare. You were true to yourself, you cared
for others, you were determined to share yourself and to the weak you provided
strength; so today I celebrate your life.
Happy Birthday Toba-today we choose to
smile. I see you so clearly and yet I see you barely but I will always remember
that smile-the way you chose to live your life-determined to succeed;
determined to embrace destiny. And now you dance in eternity.
Happy Birthday Tyler Hendrix Fray-until
we meet again-the journey unfolds unto a path of hope-lit with your smile, your
confident gaze and that steady walk accompanied with wise words-I face forward.
We miss you. We love you. We will never forget you.
Happy Birthday Toba-from your sister,
your friend, your advocate always-I carry your memories, our fights, laughter
and tears-I carry it all in my heart as we move forward-you still live on woven
into the details of our hearts that spring forth when we correspond.
Happy Birthday. We love you-forever and always.