O began sharing her story with us last week and you can check it out here.
This week we delved a bit deeper into her experiences.
1. You mentioned a young guy-What was your experience with him?
Yes the young guy I cared so much about at one point and thought I could get it right with at that time in school was not who I thought he was.
He came after me and played me the whole time collecting things from me.
I got him a phone, I paid his rent during our 2nd year and he kept taking advantage of the fact that I loved him till I discovered he was dating someone else.
I was heartbroken because all I got from the married man I was giving him and I had only gotten bad habits from him like I never used to smoke till I met him and all of that.
2. What was the difference between the married man and the young man?
The difference between the married man and the young man was that the married man gave me good moral advice; he would talk sense into me when I went off track at home.
I graduated with a 3.03 GPA because he would promise me gifts if I made good grades in school. He made me stay off really wayward girls in school but it didn't change the fact that I was living a sinful life or dating another woman's husband, meanwhile all the younger guy wanted was sex, money, party, smoking etc but that doesn't mean that is all young guys want or are after.
3. So you experienced being approached by married men in the church?
Could you shed a bit of light on this for our readers to understand the dangers here i.e how they approached you?
“Married men in church are like wolfs in sheep clothing. Not all of them, but there are this set that make ungodly passes to ladies in church. One of my leaders back then even attempted kissing me in the counseling room while I was alone.”
A married man in church made suggestive comments about my bow legs and how girls with such legs are usually good in bed.
I even noticed most times, a lot of them would keep staring at my boobs. One of my unit leaders had one time said "so you mean it's only your boyfriend that is enjoying all this breast"
I was shocked for a man I respected so much. At some point I began to think the single guys were more morally upright compared to the married men in church, because if a single guy wants you, he would approach you either by becoming friends or asking you to be his girl.
4. What did you learn from this experience/What are you learning ?
I learned to open up, at some point when my married man friend started going through a major crisis in his home and knowing fully that I was the cause, I decided to rededicate my life to Christ and I went in for counseling-I was paired with a very warm hearted mature single lady, who's like a big sister to me now.
She made me see reasons why I need to cut off from such a relationship; she became my listening ears and I have learned to pray about things and make decisions through the help of the Holy Spirit.
5. What's your advise to other men/women currently in/searching for a relationship?
My advice for those in such relationships is that I pray you find the strength to let go.
It won't be easy initially, because the money would cease coming and you may feel like going back to apologize to him and give him what he wants which is your body in return for money that you cannot save or make anything tangible from.
But you need the Holy Spirit to help you, you also need a good friend, someone who's got it right spiritually &morally. My big sister, she knows so much about me, she checks up on me, she helps me financially, I do the little I can also for her.
We all need someone like Tolu Falode.
To those searching I really don't know what to say, but may the Holy Spirit guide us right.
Amen!
Thank you so much for sharing your story O-God will bless and help you as you continue on your journey.
What are your thoughts on O’s experience guys? What did you learn and what is your advice to her?
You can submit your entry for The Love Diaries to: tolu@tolufalode.com
