1.
Reflection: Have you reflected on
the relationship? Assess the benefits and the burdens of that relationship. Assess
where you both stand and where you both can work towards a resolution. The aim
of this exercise is to give yourself the opportunity to logically assess the
relationship without emotional interruption. This exercise would also enable
you to see where you both suffer dysfunctionally and I want you to pin point if
this has been an area you have had trouble with independently or since you
entered this relationship.
Then I want you to
re-assess how that issue has been reflected in your relationship and how you
have attempted to resolve it. Also do the same exercise for your partner by
tracking where he/she has been suddenly deficient that was not immediately
evident at the beginning.
2.
Resolution: Next you need to discuss
with your partner where you both need to work on. Apologize for your part-this
will show them you are not blaming them for the situation but you are trying to
work towards a unified position. Notice their reaction-are they responsive in
their actions? I said actions not words. Actions always show a person’s true intentions
where words can lead to confusion-so what have they said and what are they doing?
This will tell you a lot about how this person values your relationship and
more importantly your position in the relationship.
3.
Response: So
what would be your response? If the resolution your partner gives lacks
evolution and only leads to more alienation in your union, then you need to
move forward through your response. Walk out of that union-I suggest this at
this stage because it is clear that that person is no longer interested in
developing your union, they have become more concerned about their position
than your unified situation. And this in itself is an indication that the
relationship has come to a halt in its evolution. I suggest this step at this stage because I wanted
you first to attempt to recognize the cause of the dysfunction, and then try
and find a resolution with your partner-so that by the time you reach this
stage in your response, you have cleared your conscience of all future thoughts
of possible reversions-i.e. going back into the dysfunction instead of moving
forward.
Your response should be
conditioned to trigger you forward. So if you have decided at this stage that
your union is no longer progressing in the right direction, you need to take
the bold step of progression alone by responding to his/her actions in your
decision.
4.
Resolve: This
is the last step because you need to stand by your decision. No matter
what/who/when/why they suddenly decide they need you back in their lives after
you have taken and stood by your decision, you need to be resolved in that
decision to move forward. I give this as the last point because dysfunctional
relationships create tangled environments for our emotions. Hence, it is not rare
to find a lot of confusion of how to step out of that union, and even more
confusion when you manage to leave because your emotions have been tangled and
corrupted by that prior union. This in itself is evidence of the fact that the
relationship was built on dysfunction. And it is an unhealthy environment that
will corrupt rather than contribute to your evolution.
Q: Where/How did this relationship start?
A: How you started the relationship will usually
determine how it will end? Was it built on sexual chemistry? Then it will last
temporarily because the root was built only on physicality
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
· To understand God’s intention
for courtship and dating I would strongly encourage you to sign up for my
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