5 SIGNS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS MAKING YOU ANXIOUS AND UNHAPPY

1.     You Constantly Feel Unease:  Our body’s respond to our thoughts. Let me paint you a quick picture: imagine you are in a dark unfamiliar room-the natural response would be unease. Now imagine that dark room is your relationship-this is the reason for your unease-your body is responding to your mental state. When your relationship begins to make you anxious and unhappy, it changes the environment of your surroundings-it literally seeps the joy from moments that should be filled with peace. You find it harder to laugh; to live in the moment and to learn to absorb life’s little treasures-because that feeling of unease is rooted in the environment surrounding your relationship.

2.     You Lack Clarity Concerning The Direction The Relationship Is Facing: This is another sign your relationship is making you anxious and unhappy. To be anxious is to be worried. Once more let’s use an illustration-have you ever gotten lost while driving somewhere you were sure you had the correct co-ordinates to? When this happens-do you suddenly start to lose direction-like you can no longer trust the coordinates on the GPS? Now imagine the GPS is the relationship when it started, and the lost co-ordination is the relationship where it is now. This creates a lack of clarity-there is no longer unity in language and in direction between you and your partner this is why you feel anxious and unhappy-because the relationship is no longer clear.

3.     Death To The 3 C’s-My 3 C’s in relationships are consistency, communication and contact. There’s a 4^th C but let’s concentrate on these 3-when either/or/all is missing-I can guarantee your relationship will reek with anxiety. Do you know why? Imagine your relationship is a plant: these are the 3 essential nutrients it needs from both parties to thrive. If you and your partner have slowly and steadily declined in contact with one another, I can also guarantee that this has affected the consistency in the times you see one another and furthermore it has infected the amount of times you communicate with one another-this leads to unhappiness/anxiety in your relationship. Do you know why? Because you have changed the climate surrounding your relationship.

4.     You Have No Emotional Freedom: Let me break this down simply-you feel like you are in a mental prison and you have no idea where the way out is. This is what happens when you become emotionally stuck. You know your relationship is no longer moving forward but you lack the desire to see it fall apart-this creates a mental prison-and once more your body reacts. You may experience bouts of unhappiness and anxiety-you may even feel scared and it begins to affect how you communicate with your partner and removes slowly but surely the trust in the relationship. This is because relationships are supposed to make you feel free-not like a prisoner in your own body. If this is what is now happening-then this is a sure sign your relationship is making you anxious.

5.     You Can No Longer Confidently See Him/Her In Your Future: Finally-can you see him/her in your future? Ask your partner where they see you both in the next 3 years-notice the tone of their response, watch their features-it will show you a lot about how they view your role in the relationship. Usually at this stage both parties are struggling to commit long term to the relationship and hence it affects the ability to comfortably see the partner in his/her future-which means you have begun to place them in the past. And whatever makes us anxious/unhappy-we want to place it in the past. Hence if you can no longer see them in your future clearly and confidently, if their role in your future remains foggy at this present moment, then it is clear the relationship is causing you anxiety/unease.

How about you? What causes you anxiety in your relationships?

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THE A,B,C's OF INTIMACY-SECOND EDITION

Hey Guys! Today we continue with our A,B,C steps to intimacy! Read below!

1. Observe Your Partner: This is an important step to intimacy because when you observe your partner you allow yourself room to respond to their needs objectively. To observe is to watch carefully and perceptively-in other words, pay attention to their trigger points of pain, happiness, what brings them joy? What brings them sorrow?

2. Protect Your Relationship:

Listen: not everyone and their mother/father/friend needs to know your business. Not everyone needs to know how your partner has upset you/what they did wrong/the struggles you are dealing with in a relationship because you allow your relationship to become a soap opera to others.

What I mean is you become a source of entertainment and you have to remember people advise you for different reasons-you have to be careful to ensure you protect your relationship from the wrong ears-don’t take every one’s advise-this is a key danger of putting the spotlight on your relationship-it starts to feel less authentic along the line because you are no longer paying attention to the only person that should matter-your partner-you start to pay attention to how other people perceive your partner-someone they could know absolutely nothing about.

3. Question your Motives:

One of the realest advices I would always give and I strongly recommend is to question your motives. This is a key part of intimacy-why are you being nice to your partner all of a sudden? Is it because you need them to say yes to take you on that shopping spree? Or do you need their approval on spending money on a particular product? The danger here is your partner would begin to attribute your emotions towards them for a particular proposition-and this becomes dangerous in the long run because it allows room for insecurity to brew. For instance, lets be practical if you just want to be considerate to your partner and they believe there is a hidden agenda due to your past history-it also allows you to become irritated and annoyed with their response. And this also begins to affect how you speak to them. Can you see the danger here?

4. Register Their Response:

This means you should pay attention to how your partner responds to your actions. The first step in this outline I told you to consider is to observe-the opposite of this is to register their response. In other words, listen to why your partner agrees/disagrees with a particular situation.

A lot of people don’t pay attention to the why and this actually causes serious disagreements down the line.

Why don’t they want to spend the weekend with you? Why do they agree with saving money for that particular project? Why do they disagree with that particular friendship you are beginning to nurture?

Register their response-when you do this you allow yourself room to understand your partner more and it also shows you acknowledge and value their opinion in that situation-and what does this spell?

Respect.

And when both parties respect one another, the relationship blossoms in intimacy.

5. Support Each Other:

You show support-you don’t simply say it! Some people think its enough to text/call your partner to show them you support that project they have spent months being anxious over-no. You have to show your support-using the example just highlighted, you could send them a gift basket in the workplace with an encouraging note, you could take them out to a well deserved lunch to celebrate this recent milestone-surprise your partner with your support-this will allow intimacy to grow in your relationship.

6. It Takes Two To Tango:

I used this saying to explain one very important principle: Trust. Trust is one of the key foundations in any relationship. If there is lack of trust, I guarantee you that relationship is heading rapidly towards a dead end. So how do you allow trust to be laid in your relationship? Well-it takes two! Do you support each other through your actions? Do you encourage one another? Are you constantly communicating? I guarantee if there is lack of consistent communication, lack of a show of affection, encouragement and presence from both parties-trust will not be present. And where there is no trust there is no security, which means from a practical standpoint anything/anyone can wonder into the sanctuary that should be your relationship and ruin it because both parties have failed to protect it.

This is why it takes two to tango-you both have to be in close contact with one another to make sure nothing can come in between your relationship.

HOW TO FUNCTION IN DESTINY

Hey Guys! Today we will be learning through the study of Deborah how to function in destiny.

Judges 4:4-5 (NIV):

4 Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time. 5 She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided.

1.    Knows You By Name: The Word first gives us her name before it proceeds to tell us more about her. This is because there are titles, positions and callings attached to your name-that can only be revealed through the Word of God. Remember He calls you by name (Isaiah 43:1). He knows you more than you could possibly know yourself (Jeremiah 1:5).

And then we are told her positions:

2.    A Prophet: This is the first point of understanding we have of Deborah because God should always come first in your life-and firstly we are dedicated to God. This also tells me God wants to be close to you (Amos 3:7) as this Word tells us that God does nothing without telling His servants the prophets. So we need to reach this point of close contact with God.

3.    Wife of Lappidoth: This releases the next point of contact-relationships. God connects you with destiny helpers. Deborah was a wife of Lappidoth. Lappidoth means flames. And the Word tells us He makes His servants flames of fire (Hebrews 1:7). Hence this means that Lappidoth was His servant-so single men/women don’t be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). God has your Lappidoth connected to your calling in His house. This is why we are told firstly Deborah was a prophet and then she was a wife. Listen: God would not connect you to boyfriends/girlfriends-He is preparing you for a spouse.

4.    She Was A Leader:  Finally we are told she was leading Israel at that time. Now this is powerful because this is the third point of contact we are given after her marriage-hence your spouse should enable you to grow in your calling. She was a leader of Israel. Israel the country-which is powerful. This means that Deborah had authority over a large area-she had authority in her country. This is what being connected to the right person does-you are connected to your calling and it is able to release authority over your life. Her first focus was God, which released the next contact-her husband and then proceeded to increase her impact.

5.    Held court: She held court meaning she had a zone of authority-she was organized and functional. You are given authority in the role God has called you to play.

6.    Under the Palm of Deborah: This means that where her zone of authority was-had her name on it. Hence when you are positioned in the role you have been called to play, it would bear your title as long as you stay under it because you have to stay within your zone of influence. God shows you your zone of influence.

7.    Between Ramah and Bethel:  She was positioned in a particular location-when working as unto God He places you in strategic positions. Positions and locations are different. Her position was under the Palm of Deborah but her location was between Ramah and Bethel. Some people know their location i.e. law, medicine, music-but not their position-and your position is only revealed through the leadership of the LORD (Romans 8:14). This is why her position was called the PALM of Deborah. In other words, God wants to take you there personally-it cannot be found otherwise-it has your name on it.

8.    Hill country of Ephraim: This was a hill country, which reminds me of the fact that we are a town placed on a hill that cannot be hidden (Matthew 5:14). Hence your spiritual location is important. A hill country suggests elevation and as children of God this means you cannot connect with true purpose outside your relationships with God. We are citizens of Heaven (Philippians 3:20). This is why Deborah was in the hill country of Ephraim. And this also means for people to be able to gain access to you, they will have to come closer to the kingdom of God as they went up to her to have their disputes decided.

9.    She decided disputes: Hence when you walk with God you are elevated and your calling will elevate you. To be elevated means to be separated. They went up to her to have their disputes decided-when you’re separated you allow yourself to be used. People came to her to solve disputes because she carried solutions. She decided disputes-she did not create them. A vessel of God does not create disputes-because we are the light in the darkness (Matthew 5:14). Hence we bring decisions because we bring light to that situation.

Interested in learning how faith speaks in finance? The join the group study on Faith and Finance! Send us an email: tolu@tolufalode.com or leave your e-mail below to be added.

THE A,B,C's OF INTIMACY

Hey Guys! Happy New Year! We start the year of with some exciting content:

The A, B, C’s Of Intimacy! Check it out:

1. Appreciation Shows Attraction: 

Appreciate your partner. People may think this simply means an expression of physical affection i.e holding hands but this is not the case-appreciation speaks loudest through your interaction-do you respond to your partner positively? In other words, are you always there for them when they need your help/advice in a particular matter? Are you paying attention to their needs instead of just hearing their wants? Wants and needs are different-wants are temporary and if you are only hearing their wants you cannot truly appreciate their needs-appreciation is a language of permanent attraction-hence you need to pay attention to their needs i.e support their ideas, shower them with encouragement when you sense they are at their weakest-this shows appreciation and it builds attraction.

2. Beauty Is In The Eyes Of The Beholder:

People sometimes experience an expiration in their relationships. But beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder so how do you view your partner? This is really your choice-when they are upset you can choose to see them for instance as being nagging/complaining creatures or you could choose to see a man/woman that needs your support and encouragement in a particular issue they are facing-you can choose to see the beauty or the beast in that struggle they are dealing with.

3. Commitment Creates A Connection:

To be committed you need to be connected-to be connected you need to communicate. Listen, the only way to truly sustain your union in the long run is to speak in a language that requires communication-pay attention: speaking in a language that requires communication means you don’t share the same space silently but you converse with each other consistently.

Make time for each other-place each other as a top priority unless loneliness will infect the silence in your union and create an atmosphere that will be hostile to communication-this is when people usually take a break or break up permanently-it starts from a lack of communication.

4. Dedication Releases Decisions:

When you are dedicated to one another you would always decide in favor of one another. When you start to choose other activities over spending some much needed time with your partner-then it is clear there is a lack of dedication because you have clearly not made the right decision. So be dedicated to your partner-this will allow intimacy room to grow strong and it will make your decisions easier in the long run because it will become natural to always choose your partner over conflicting situations.

5. Effort Requires Elevation From Emotions:

This means even if you do not feel like it you do it!

Effort does not require your emotions-you may not want to watch that terrible movie but you go ahead and watch it because your partner wants to. You may not want to go to the grocery store but you go ahead because your partner wants to. You may hate football but your partner’s favorite team is playing the same weekend as your favorite artists are in town-you go to the football game.

This shows effort-it requires an elevation from your emotions because you are investing in your future-your future is not with those artists-your future is with your partner.

So if you are willing to risk your future with that person, then you have clearly stated you are not committed to your relationship.