5 EASY, HELPFUL WAYS FINANCE CAN REVIVE YOUR ROMANCE

Today I am combining love with finance to bring you some quick points on how they both intersect!

Check it out below!

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1.    What is the currency in your relationship?  Ask yourself: is love the currency or is it hate? Is there connection, communication and consistent trade? Do you both see each other often and what is the product of your partnership? This will help you establish the economy around your relationship.

2.    What is the return on your investment? Is it security? Stability? Durability? Freedom? Or are you experiencing a serious recession in yoru relationship where the price of your love just keeps going up i.e you find you are giving more attention, more care, more support but getting less and less of a return in terms of communication and consistency and even attention?

3.    What is the product of your transaction? Is it love, hate, is it growth or are you in a stalemate? Where is the relationship headed in terms of your union? Are you producing items of affection or irritation? This will help you identify if your market in this business is worth the time, effort and investment.

4.    What is your role in the relationship? Are you a consumer, worker or partner? A consumer means you only take without giving, complain and expect adjustments because you have a customers mindset-which needs to be re-adjusted; a worker means you feel like you are subdued in the relationship-you work according to the direction of your “boss” but you do not have the chance to contribute to the conversation or your thoughts and ideas of how the business should go is not being promoted. But if you are a partner which you all should be there should be an equal amount of investment, commitment and resilience-where the business is facing issues there should be both sides sharing responsibility for both the good and the bad-partnerships thrive because of this mindset.

5.    What will you name your business? Your business in this context is your relationship-what name best describes your business in a word-now put that word into a phrase-would you describe your business as being in the line of trust, in that case the phrasing would be we market our product of commitment based on a foundation of trust. To name your business you need to know your business-so do you know the ins and outs of your relationship? Do you know the weak points and the strong points? The points where compromise can be made to move forward or where losses must be cut to stop holding you back? Are you both constantly communicating on how your business (relationship) can move forward? If these elements are missing your business is on the brink of going defunct because there is no foundation on which it stands on.

These are 5 elements of business that can help you understand your relationship from an economic mindset! I thought this would be a nice way to mix finance with romance to help you understand the importance and running theme through all relationships!

What did you learn? Any other thoughts on how finances can help you romantically?

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ARE YOU SURE HE IS THE ONE FOR YOU?

Hey Guys! Check out my audio on knowing if He Is The One God Has For You!

You can follow me on soundcloud for more audio here

So guys-what do you think? What other aspects can help you decide if he is the one for you?

Let me know in the comments!

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5 QUICK WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE IN A GODLY RELATIONSHIP

Hey Guys! Last week we started the Godly Dating series and also discussed it over on Youtube.

Today we are delving deeper in Scripture:

Ephesians 5:25-30 (NIV)

 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

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1.    Purity:  Does he add to your purity? In other words, does he teach you more about Christ? Does he encourage you to walk with the LORD? Does he feed you scripture? These are important questions you need to ask yourself-or is he more concerned about your body? Is he more concentrated on your physical appearance than your spiritual health? Does he even mention the Bible? Is this man interested in the Word at all because he cannot wash you with the Word if he does not understand the Word. Also notice Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her-this means this man shows you through his actions how he feels about you-does he give you his time? His attention? These are questions to help you determine if this man is preserving your purity or poisoning it.

2.    Holy: Christ cleansed and gave himself for the church to make her holy. He gave to heal-so does he hurt you emotionally or even physically?  Husbands are told to cleanse her by the washing with water through the Word-so does he cleanse you? To cleanse is to make something thoroughly clean and rid the body of toxic or unhealthy substances-this means this man should purge you of anything that is not of God in you-so does the Spirit of God move through him to convict you as you walk with God? Does he give you a godly perspective on issues such as how you dress, talk, your relationship? Does he cover you in prayer? These are questions to show if he is cleansing you i.e purifying you through the washing with the Word-because the Word is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12) and it speaks the Truth-it is the Sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17)-so does this man apply the Word into your situation or are you the one constantly trying to get him to do this? Are you the one constantly pushing him into church or to observe godly principles?

3.    Glow: Does he add to your godly glow? The Word says those who look to Him are radiant (Psalm 34:5). Moses also had a radiant face after speaking to God (Exodus 34:29).

So when God is in the relationship, you should be radiating with His presence. So are you radiant? Do you have chaos or peace? Does he make you feel the presence of God? Are you edified through your relationship? To be radiant is to send out light from within-to shine brightly. So do you feel empty or full of God through this relationship?

This is how you will know whether God is there or not. This is also why Christ presented to Himself a radiant church because whenever God is present, Christ is there and you should be radiating as a result of the relationship.

4.    No Stains, No Wrinkles: This is important because here husbands are told to present their wives without stain or wrinkle-now a stain is to make something dirty-to soil it. Does he make you feel dirty? Does he appeal to your flesh or your spirit?  Does he treat you disrespectfully? The only way to present something without wrinkle is if it is handled with care-so does he handle you with care? Does he make you feel unworthy? Does he give you time and attention-does he injure your emotions or does he protect them? Does he speak with wisdom to encourage you or to hurt you? These are ways to identify if he is staining or wrinkling you rather than making you holy and blameless. Now to be blameless is to be innocent this means he should add to your identity as a child of God he should not take from it (Romans 8:14). This also means you need to assess whether the relationship is compromising your identity in Christ or not-for instance, are you always fighting off sexual advances? Or are you spending time together in God’s presence? Does he encourage you to speak to God? Do you pray together and for one another or does he try to get you to dress provocatively? This is how you will determine whether he is presenting you to himself without stain or wrinkle or not and this is very important because how he presents you to himself is a reflection of how he sees himself and ultimately how he identifies himself.

5.    Presentation: The Word says you should be presented to him holy and blameless-in other words it is this man’s responsibility as he washes you with the water of the Word i.e as he draws you closer to Christ through your relationship to help you to preserve your purity in Christ during courtship.  How he treats you is how he sees himself-this is why the Word says he presents her to himself and that husbands ought to love wives as their own bodies. So how does this man present you to himself? Is he always demeaning you? Is he always withholding from you? Does he lack trust? Or is he truthful with you? Does he encourage you in Christ? Is he a blessing to you because he who loves his wife loves himself. How he treats you will show you who he belongs to. If he does not handle you with care, if he does not present you to himself as a radiant church, if he does not love you-chances are he does not love himself-as the Word says husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. The reference to body here is that he should see you as part of him-he should care for you deeply-this is the love we have and can attain through Christ.

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EPISODE 4: WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING

O began sharing her story with us last week and you can check it out here. 

This week we delved a bit deeper into her experiences.

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1. You mentioned a young guy-What was your experience with him?

Yes the young guy I cared so much about at one point and thought I could get it right with at that time in school was not who I thought he was.

He came after me and played me the whole time collecting things from me.

I got him a phone, I paid his rent during our 2nd year and he kept taking advantage of the fact that I loved him till I discovered he was dating someone else.

I was heartbroken because all I got from the married man I was giving him and I had only gotten bad habits from him like I never used to smoke till I met him and all of that.

2. What was the difference between the married man and the young man?

 The difference between the married man and the young man was that the married man gave me good moral advice; he would talk sense into me when I went off track at home.

I graduated with a 3.03 GPA because he would promise me gifts if I made good grades in school. He made me stay off really wayward girls in school but it didn't change the fact that I was living a sinful life or dating another woman's husband, meanwhile all the younger guy wanted was sex, money, party, smoking etc but that doesn't mean that is all young guys want or are after.

3. So you experienced being approached by married men in the church?

Could you shed a bit of light on this for our readers to understand the dangers here i.e how they approached you?

“Married men in church are like wolfs in sheep clothing. Not all of them, but there are this set that make ungodly passes to ladies in church. One of my leaders back then even attempted kissing me in the counseling room while I was alone.”

— O

A married man in church made suggestive comments about my bow legs and how girls with such legs are usually good in bed.

I even noticed most times, a lot of them would keep staring at my boobs. One of my unit leaders had one time said "so you mean it's only your boyfriend that is enjoying all this breast"

 I was shocked for a man I respected so much. At some point I began to think the single guys were more morally upright compared to the married men in church, because if a single guy wants you, he would approach you either by becoming friends or asking you to be his girl. 

4. What did you learn from this experience/What are you learning ?

I learned to open up, at some point when my married man friend started going through a major crisis in his home and knowing fully that I was the cause, I decided to rededicate my life to Christ and I went in for counseling-I was paired with a very warm hearted mature single lady, who's like a big sister to me now.

She made me see reasons why I need to cut off from such a relationship; she became my listening ears and I have learned to pray about things and make decisions through the help of the Holy Spirit.

5. What's your advise to other men/women currently in/searching for a relationship?

My advice for those in such relationships is that I pray you find the strength to let go.

It won't be easy initially, because the money would cease coming and you may feel like going back to apologize to him and give him what he wants which is your body in return for money that you cannot save or make anything tangible from.

But you need the Holy Spirit to help you, you also need a good friend, someone who's got it right spiritually &morally. My big sister, she knows so much about me, she checks up on me, she helps me financially, I do the little I can also for her. 

We all need someone like Tolu Falode.

To those searching I really don't know what to say, but may the Holy Spirit guide us right.

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Amen!

Thank you so much for sharing your story O-God will bless and help you as you continue on your journey.

What are your thoughts on O’s experience guys? What did you learn and what is your advice to her?

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You can submit your entry for The Love Diaries to: tolu@tolufalode.com

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